Steven Seagal: Actor, Blackbelt, JackassPosted by in Uncategorized
The bulwark against celebrity misdeeds, TMZ, recently broke a pathetic story. Steven Seagal, long denied the Oscar he so richly deserves, has been shooting his new reality TV show. The working titles include “Steven Seagal: Has Been”, “Steven Seagal: Never Was”, and “Steven Seagal: Look At Me! Look At Me! Won’t Someone Please Look At Me?” It features Seagal as a volunteer sheriff’s deputy or lawman or something proving that he’s just as tough in real life as he is in the movies.
According to TMZ, he proved how tough he was by driving a tank into the home of a cockfight suspect during a bust organized by Sheriff and first rate media whore, Joe Arpaio, of Maricopa County, Arizona. You know, the guy who makes convicts dress in pink and has never met a brown skinned person he hasn’t suspected of entering the country illegally. George Hamilton doesn’t even fly over Maricopa County.
On an ironic aside, doesn’t Sheriff Joe seem just like every self-important local sheriff in every Seagal-esque movie who is either corrupt, turns a blind eye to trouble, or trumps up charges against the world weary drifter, probably played by Steven Seagal?
Anyway, during this raid General Seagal’s tank apparently crushed one hundred roosters and the suspect’s pet puppy. Now that’s a tough guy.
The suspect was in all likelihood guilty as sin. He had hundreds of roosters on his property. My family recently got a dozen hens and when one turned out to be a rooster, we couldn’t find a new home fast enough. Several hundred roosters? Oh, yeah- the suspect had also been convicted of attendance at a cock fight. We know what he was doing, so no sympathy there.
I’ll set aside the seriously suspect nature of all of those “real life” cop shows, animal related or otherwise, which can’t possibly lead to good policing and have more to do with PR and money, two things which Sheriff Joe seems to covet. We’ll even set aside how truly ridiculous it is to pretend a minor celebrity leading the charge in a tank has anything to do with reality, let alone real police work.
But it’s bad enough when police are serving warrants unrelated to animal cruelty and end up killing animals on the scene. How ridiculous is it when the police and their doughy celebrity bro are serving an animal cruelty warrant and crush a hundred of the rosters they are there to “save” and a puppy. With a TANK!
It turns out that Seagal and I have something in common other than our catlike grace and love of comfort foods. On a radio interview he said that animal cruelty was one of his “peeves”. Me, too! We may have been separated at birth after all.
Of course, I’ve never saved a bunch of animals by running them over with a tank. If this is how he rescues animals from cruelty, let us pray he never serves a warrant in order to save animals from bestiality.
P.S. Since “crush videos” are considered obscenity and are illegal, will they even be able to air this footage? What a jackass. And perhaps a pornographer?